Miscarriages can be difficult, and informing the important people in your life about it can be even harder. A miscarriage is felt deeply, and it can cause long-lasting changes to a woman’s body, mind, and spirit. It can feel impossible to open up about the topic with others. For these reasons, miscarriages often require love, support, and time to heal.
Tips for Talking
Talking about pregnancy loss is never easy. It depends largely on your level of comfort, and when you feel capable of opening up to others. Everyone’s situation is unique, but there are a few tips that can be helpful when opening up to others about your experience:
- Plan the conversation. When you are ready to discuss what happened with those important to you, it can help to take the time to plan out how you want the conversation to go. This can make you feel in better control of the situation. You can write down talking points, or even draft a letter to get your thoughts and feelings organized. It also helps to find a time to discuss the topic where you can be as alone as possible without any distractions.
- Keep it simple. When talking to others about your experience, you don’t have to provide a lot of information. Share what you are comfortable with, even if it is just a few sentences. If loved ones try to push you for information, it’s okay to tell them you aren’t ready to talk about it. You don’t owe anyone every detail of what happened. In time you may decide you want to share more.
- Let others know what you need. People will want to help you through this time, but they may not know how to do so. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. This could be asking a parent to watch your other children for the night to be alone or asking a best friend to watch a movie with you. The emotional impact of a miscarriage can be overwhelming, and you may find it difficult to do tasks like cooking, cleaning, or running errands. It’s okay to let others know where you need help, and where space is still necessary.
- Utilize mass communication platforms. When it comes to your children or immediate family, you’ll most likely want to let them know what happened in person. However, for other relatives, friends, or coworkers, a mass communication tool can make this much less stressful. Emails can feel a bit impersonal, but they can be a great way to communicate what is happening to several people at once while also reducing the necessity to respond or discuss the topic immediately.
- Be prepared for comments and advice. Even people with good intentions can make comments that seem thoughtless or rude. People don’t usually mean to come across that way, but insensitive comments can make the situation feel harder than it already is. When facing comments, advice, and unwanted questions, it is important to prioritize your grief and healing process.
Miscarriages can feel isolating, but you are far from alone. When it comes to talking about what happened, keep it simple. You don’t owe anyone a long explanation. It is important to pay attention to how you feel, and take the pace that is most comfortable for you.